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Jul 1, 2004
I GOT THEIR NEW CD!!
Bleeding Mascara
A wraith with an angel’s body. A demon with a smile of gold. You soul-sucker. I won’t become like you. A killer with the perfect weapons, crystal eyes and a heart of coal. You soul-sucker. I won’t lose myself in you. Look how pretty she is, when she falls down. Now there is no beauty in bleeding mascara. Her lips are quivering like a withering rose, she’s back again. What the fuck do you think love means? Its much more than words and feelings sucking me dry. Is my marrow that sweet? Your dead lovers have left a trail of broken hearts and misspent hopes. Sucking them dry. Does their marrow taste of sweetness, sweetness, sweetness? I hope you choke.
Right side of the Bed
And I can see her now, dancing around, her drink in hand. All her baggage in ow, I just want to forget and let go of all the joy, all the pain, I took your guilt and placed it into me, and now I kiss it goodbye. Our last dance ended fatally, who's sleeping on my side of the bed tonight? Have you ever cried so hard? Baby you just died. And there she goes again, another masquerade in false circumstance. She'll fuck you just for the taste. I just wish that I could replace all the memories of what makes my blood run cold, and as your blood flows through me, I say goodbye to what we had. She came and went, I gnawed through my lip, makeup smeared in her eyes, each sob's a reason to say goodbye. Sometimes when you're holding on you'll never see the light. WIth flowers in her hair, gazed upon with dead lover's eyes. She never looked so good, and I never felt so right. I felt so wrong.
This Flesh a Tomb
I feel eyelashed on my cheek, and they lacerate my flesh, a pain so good. Put your hand in mine, never let go, never wake up 'cause I'm done with promises, I'm taking blood oaths. Feels like you could kiss my imperfections, my imperfections away. And I would stand, stand by your side until the sun turns the sky all the colors I see in your eyes. I'll never need to see the sun again, there's enough light up our little world. So take me, take me away. Kill me slowly, I'll never be the same. I swar to you, on everything I am, and I dedicate to you all that I have and I promise you that I will stand right by your side forever and always until the day I die. The bite marks on my neck never felt so good. I'm losing control and its all that I can do not to black out and fall into lust with you. Your kisses infect me. The dark gift is loving you, and I feel immortal and I want to make you feel the same. So stand by me as we immolate. And we can burn in each other's arms.
You Eclipsed by Me
I began my ascent at minus zero, you made sure of that. You tried to keep me down here, your compacency has been your downfall. Nobody made you king of the world and I'm here to dethrone you. So kiss the ring motherfucking, ier my time, my time to shine. Grasping for the straws as they fall, maybe you can make a splint for your broken ego. So I say thank you for the scars and the guilt and the pain, every tear I've never cried has sealed your fucking fate. What did you take me for, a fool? Or were you just too blind to see that every effort made has failed and there is no destroying me? Hate can be a positive emotion, when it forces you to better yoruself. You built me, constructed my desire, perfected my hatred. Now I'm driven to be ten times better than you think you are. Piece by piece I've built my walls and burned the bridges down that lead back to people like you, so full of malice, so full of scorn. You tried your best to crush my spirit, you tried to steal my soul. You pushed my back against the wall and I broke it down. I will not be broken, though I am the one who bleeds. I will not be broken, I am the one.
The Crimson
I feel it welling up inside and roberst smith lied, boys do cry and with blood tears in my eyes I'm an Ann Rice novel come to life. I can't hide the monster anymore. One can only feel desolate for so long until one starts to change into something the mirror doesn't recognize. I metamorphosize. The Darkness has been biding its time ot claim its latest victim, fresh meat for carnal desires, to become what I became. I viewed the sun for the last gime. Will you still hold me when you've seen what I have done? Will you still kiss me the same when you taste my victim's blood? So crimson and red, I feel it flowing through, the desire to change, to deconstruct all of my past failings. But where to begin becuse when you live in sin its hard to look at saints without them reflecting their jet black auras back on you. An dall I have is hope, my inner burns's not fading, I'll wipe the blood from my cheeks and get on with my day. And all I have is hope and all I need is time to bury in pine under six feet of time the lies I told me about myself. Claw my way out, pick the splinters from under my fingernails. I won't lost hope, I won't give in. Just live and breathe and try not to die again.
The Rememberance Ballad
These days are closing in. THe ned has become apparent. We're only here for so long. Will any one remember my name when time has washed away the dust of our ashes? When my head rests in a velvet lined casket? What's out there? What is my Eternal Fate? It only just recently hit me that this life is just a state. Mortality fading, like the innocence of love, I'm scared to death of what's to become of my immortal soul of this Eternal flame, will you remember? Will your heart sing with pain? Who calls out my name? Who can tell me what happens when my eyes close for the last time? Does it all simply end in a blanket of darkness, what of my soul, what of my soul? All those things you couldn't say, you should have said. All of those I love you's lost, weighed more like lead on your chest.What if I could take back all those misspent days? Every second of anger, I would was my sins away.
Corsetting
Just swallow the pill and think of me no longer. Just let go and take yourself out before I kill you too. Aren't you tired of me fucking you over and over? You were the last person I wanted in my signts. And my heart honestly breaks when I think of you. I understand now what I love you means-it's doing the right thing no matter of the consequence. I"m tying you up, using the nicest lace, tyring to kill you softly, trying to erase your face. All the while I'm doing my best not to rub my love up against your head. I'd redecorate the walls with your inner thoughts, but I'm afraid its the wrong shade of red. But I have these sadistic urges and I don't want to take it out on you. RIght now you're the only one who understands my plight.Right now you're the only reason I can't sleep through the night.
Demonology and Heartache
So unaffectionate,so insecure, you claim to know a thing or two about heartache, and what it's like to have your insides torn out. And I believe you I see it see it every time your pallbearer's pallor is obscured by the darkness, dancing across your face, and when the blackness veils your eyes in pain. I know what its like when memories make you wince and love letters read like obituaries and photo albums are the books of the dead. I need no reminders, no more reminders. I'll forget thepast and lay it to rest. If I had my way I'd cut the calluses of your breaking heart if I could get past the sternum. Cauterize those wounds with every kiss I could give to you. I'm holding your heart in my hand, the reason it still beats, am I being too cryptic? Am I being too obscure? Love kills, romance is dead and I dont' even trust myself, but I love you and you can pull my wings apart and pin me down under glass until the end ofdays if it can help you discover that we share the same pain. I just hope you write your thesis before your subject is dead. No life after Death.
My Sanity on a Funeral Pyre
Paranoia is the insect worming its way through my subconcious thoughts. Its the larva of my self doubt, gestating inmy heartas I spiral down. And everything I touch is breaking and it falls to earth in splinters and I shiver as every splinter finds its way underneath my skin. And after 22 years I can still make my skin crawl. Every shortcoming, a pitfall. On my way to making amends within myself to be what I became. SOmtimes it feels like the whole wide world has made itself my enemy. Ubt I will stand upon my own two feet and raise my head up. I lick my wounds trying to cleanse the infection. Rabid and diseased reality fades away. When I pushed myself too far, a dream of emotional perfectoin has left a wounded heart. Trying to perceive the gifts inherent inside me, Its like squeezing the trigger, its liek opening fire on everyone who's let me down, on every beautiful lie that is only fiction for the first time. I'm losing control and I like it. Freedome feels like the noose is gone.
Nevada's Grace
In this perfectoin I lament her beauty, her voice a sour no te in this bitter serenade. And all those things i could would have should have said ring out like gunshots across long lost days. If that wasn't love than what the fuck was I thinking? I would bear my soul just to bask in your grace and your beauty. your strength inspires all of my days. I would carry any load just ot bear your cross for a day. your love fills me up when the blood in my body's drained and your strength is my backbone when I feel every bone break. It takes my breath away how you took my breath away. HOw could I know that you would take my breath away? How could I know that one kiss would change everything...
Five Vicodin Chased with a shot of Clarity
After all this time of asking questions of trying to find something to quiet this soul, I'm left alone within my mind into this self-made hell I delve. Its not as hot as you think, more so dark and cold with no room to breathe. I'm sorry, I dont' think its going to be okay this time. My heart has skipped its final beat, its beating me down onto the floor. That must mean that the pills are working. THe glass isn't half empty this time, I smashed it on the ground a long long time ago. It shattered when it fell, and I broke to pieces. Each shards another reason, another way to give up. This skin is so tight that this air can't reach my brain. There is nothing telling my heart to beat any faster, to let me scream for help. I will never give up. I will never take the easy way out. This is life. This is struggle. This is Love. This is war.
Posted at 08:48 pm by foreverfalling
Jun 17, 2004
courtesy of the link on Krista's xanga...some freaky neat pictures...eyesofchaos.com
Posted at 10:55 am by foreverfalling
Jun 10, 2004
A Long March-As I Lay Dying
Only you know my pain inside
You've been there when no one else could be
When tears fall from my eyes
I know that you are always there
No matter what's in my heart
You are the one who cares
When I doubt, you stand by me
So I'm not ashamed to say the way I feel
I love you, you are my everything
In Years to Come-Thrice
I want to take the bullet
the one aimed straight for your heart
I want to meet the wolves halfway
and let them tear me apart
but that's not the way they do it here
I want to lay on the tracks
Feel hot steel screaming at me
Expose the bones on my back
Let me show you what I mean
Yeah its a different kind of love
I want to climb barbed wire fences
and warm our hands in blood
And this is my gift asking you to fix
my ruined hands
and its a gift that keeps on giving
And right now its all I have to give
I want to write the perfect song
and play it just for you
while you are tangled up in sleep
I need you more than I'll ever know
until I stop breathing my lungs will take you for granted
Collision-As I Lay Dying
Can you understand my meaning hidden in the roses around my eyes?
I want you to know how much it means to have you in my life
Your love brings me close again in this instance when our worlds collide
The wire of eternity twists around us
I can feel this river rising, moving up my back
Some things never change
Some things never go away
I could never forget you
And I will never be the same
The Beginning-As I Lay Dying
I see who you are and who else can compare
I meant what I said, I promised to stand by your side
Until the end, that's where we begin understanding
It is our hearts that define what has meaning in this life
Some will ask how this can be
but it was you who made me feel
Kill Me Quickly-Thrice
Can we, can we kill each other quickly?
Quick enough so I won't feel it?
A shot of strobe light anesthia and I'll be fine
'Cause I'm beginning to feel cold
My hands are shaking for fear
White from clutching my pride
red from cutting you
and blue from telling lies
'cause I'm sick of the stabbing
I'm sick of the breaking
I'm sick of the bleeding until we fall down
Sick of this circle of Death that we dance through
again and again, just lay me in the ground
Let's fall asleep together,
hold me darling 'cause I'm scared
and I can't do this alone
But I need your heartbeat
to own me,
your cold lips to breathe,
a promise that, tomorrow
we'll wake up somewhere new
Posted at 04:59 pm by foreverfalling
Jun 7, 2004
1. What time do you get up? Weekdays around 5
2. If you could eat lunch with one person, who would it be? Jacob. If only he went to my fucking school
3. Gold or silver? Silver
4. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? The Day After Tomorrow
5. What is your favorite TV show? none
6. What do you have for breakfast? I don't eat breakfast
7. Who would you hate to be stuck in a room with? *cough* I'd rather not put names.
8. What/who inspires you? Haven't thought about it
9. What is your middle name? Elizabeth
10. Beach, City or Country? City
11. Favorite ice cream? Chocolate chip cookie dough
12. Butter, plain or salted popcorn? uh..I don't eat popcorn that much
13. Favorite color? grey, black, red, purple
14. What kind of car do you drive? I don't have a car.
15. Favorite sandwich? Peanut Butter
16. What characteristic(s) do you despise? ...as in...bitchy, conceited, etc?
17. Favorite flower? Dark red roses
18. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Ireland
19. What color is your bathroom? well, one is lilac the other is white
20. Favorite Kind of clothing? shirts?
21. Where would you retire to? Staten Island
22. Favorite day of the week? Wednsday
23. What did you do for last birthday? Can't remember
24. Where were you born? New York City
Posted at 07:02 pm by foreverfalling
May 28, 2004
Money is: something that shouldn’t exist, or be a problem for anyone
One thing I wish I had is: parents who trusted me and my friends to do whatever we wanted
One thing I have that I wish I didn't have is: an unhealthy father…?
Love is: the best thing in the world
First best friend: Sasha Todak
First car: I'm only 14.
First real date: uh, well, me and Jacob went to the pburg mall a while ago
First real kiss: Jacob
First break-up: Ben
First screen name: Mesco820
First self purchased album: I don't remember.
First funeral: My grandpa
First pets: dog
First piercing/tattoo: Ears
First credit card: I don't have one.
First enemy: Never had one.
First musician you remember hearing in your house: how about first “band” that I remember hearing…Metallica. My dad is awesome when it comes to music. Well, most of the time.
Last kiss: Jacob
Last good cry: uh, about a month ago
Last Time I was really happy: about…an hour ago
Last library book checked out: holy shit I don’t know
Last movie seen: LOTR 3
Last beverage drank: gingerale
Last food consumed: Hershey bar
Last phone call: uh..i dono
Last time showered: last night
Last cd played: Seasons of Despair
Last item bought: …my mountain dew at school
Last annoyance: The kids I’m babysitting
Last disappointment: uh…babysitting and not going over Jacob’s
Stupid thing I wish I never did: I honestly don’t know.
Last time scolded: uh…I dono. Last night
Last shirt worn: the one I’m wearing
Last word you said: Get to bed
Last song you sang: can’t sing. My voice is shot. Well, my singing voice. Thanks mr Macbeth
What is in your cd player?: Seasons Fail
What color socks are you wearing?: Right: black and white checkered Left: black
What Color of underwear are you wearing?: Black
What's under your bed?: things
What time did you wake up today?: 5
Where do you want to go?: Jacob’s
What is your career going to be?: heh. Don’t make me think about it
Where are you going to live?: uh…well, staten island would be nice
How many kids do you want?: 2
What kind of car(s): a car
Current mood: just…happy…?
Current music: Senses Fail-Bloody Romance
Current taste: Chocolate
Current hair: up
Current annoyance(s): the popups
Current desktop picture: whatever these kids have on it
Current book(s): none
Current color of toenails: uh…reddish?
Current time-wasting wish: To go see Jacob
Current hate: …
Current love: Jacob
Posted at 09:43 pm by foreverfalling
May 23, 2004
*~HUUGE QUIZ*~
001. What is your name? Megan
002. Spell your name backwards: nagem
003. Date of birth: 9-20-89
004. Male or female? female
005. Astrological sign: virgo
006. Nicknames: megy, meg
007. Occupation? student?
008. Height: short
009. Weight: 115
010. Hair color: currently? or natural?
011. Eye color: brown
012. Where were you born? new york city
013. Where do you reside now? easton
014. Age: 14
015. Screen names: tottenville212,mesco820
016. E-mail addy: mesco820@aol.com
017. What does your screen name stand for? things
018. What is your lj name? don't have one
019. What does your Blurty name stand for? what's a blurty name?
020. Pets: ...four
021. Number of candles you blew out on your last birthday cake? 14
022. Piercings? ears
023. Tattoo's? none...yet
024. Shoe size: dono
025. Righty or lefty?righty
026. Wearing: boxers and tank top. haven't taken a shower yet lol
027. Hearing: the tv...music...Fallin' Out by Jimmies chicken shack and aaron lewis
028. Feeling: dirty. i need to take a shower
029. Eating/drinking: nothing
~Girls/Love/Kissing/And Other Stuff~
061. Have you ever been in love?
062. How many people have you told "I love you"? one
063. How many people have you been in love with? one
114. Does someone in your family wear a toupee? oh wow not that i know of
115. Do you have any nieces or nephews? nope
116. Are your parents divorced? nope
117. Do you have step parents? nope
118. Has your family ever disowned another member of your family? i would be surprised if they didn't...but who knows?
119. If so for what? i dono
120. Did some of your family come to America from another country? yeah
~Music Stuff~
121. What song do you swear was written about you or your life? i dono. there's like two
122. What's the most embarrasing cd you own? they're hiding where you'll never find them and where i won't have to find them again...*shudder*
123. What's the best cd you own? atreyuu
124. What song do you absolutely hate? hey ya'll or whatever
125. Do you sing in the shower? no. i lose my voice everytime i sing cuz fucking mr. macbeth has me singing soprano
126. What song reminds you of a special someone? songs
~Okay, I Name An Artist And You Give A Lyric From Any One Of Their Songs!~
127. Pink: don't let me get me
128. Aerosmith: jaded
129. Madonna: music
130. Korn: when will this end or whatever...
131. Backstreet Boys: is this the feeling of being lonely or some shit like that
132. The Beatles: uh. shit. i dono lol
133. Sublime:dono
134. J.Lo: jenny FROM DA BLOCK
135. *Nsync: god i hate them so much its not even funny
136. Limp Bizkit: don't care
137. Britney Spears: god i hate her
138. Creed: uh...that one song..
139. Enrique Iglesias: *gag*
140. Good Charlotte: umm...lifestyles of the rich and the famous
141. Christina Aguilera: *gag*
142. Eminem: lose yourself
143. New Found Glory: downhill from here
144. Kelly Clarkston: ms. independent
145. Kelly Osbourne: bleh...
146. Mandy Moore: *gag*
147. Eve: hmm i dunno i can only think of her duets
148. Aaliyah: dono
149. Nelly: dont' care
150. Alicia Keys: don't care
151. Incubus: drive
~Favorites~
152. Color: grey, blue, black, red
153. Food: food
154. Song: a bunch
155. Show: dono
156. school subject: as of now..NONE
157. Band/singer: i can't choose!
158. Animal: god
159. Outfit: my pajamas, most definitely...but other than that, 0 jeans and something
160. Radio station: whatever has good music and no commercials at the time
161. Movie: a couple
162. Pair of shoes: mikey’s old vans
163. Cartoon: none
164. Actor: dunno
165. Actress: don't have one
166. Potato chip: any
167. Drink: water
168. Alcholic drink: whatever I can get as long as its not corona
169. Holiday: All Hallow’s Eve
170. Perfume/cologne: vanilla, pearberry, etc.
171. Pizza topping: cheese? Or pepporoni?
172. Jello flavor: the red…cherry?
173. Lunch meat: dono
174. Board game: monopoly…just cuz Christi makes me play it all the time
175. Video game: whatever I’m in the mood to play
176. Website: depends on what I’m looking for
177. Book: oh i have no idea
178. Computer game: dono whatever I feel like playing
179. Number: 12
180. Cereal: peanut capn crunch lol
181. Comedian: dono
182. Dessert: chocolate cookie dough ice cream
183. Disney character: a couple.
184. Clothing store: depends on what I’m buying
185. Passtime: whatever I’m in the mood for
186. Teacher: right now mrs. Lizotte cuz she lets us come to class a half hour late and she doesn’t care
187. Childhood toy: stuffed animals.
188. Carnival game/ride: carnival? Or place like dourney?
189. Candy bar: reeses sticks
190. Magazine: whatever I feel like reading
191. Salad dressing: ranch
192. Thing to do on the weekend: be with Jacob. Or go to the staten island mall and scare people lol
193. Hot drink: coffee
194. Season: fall
195. Sport to watch: baseball or football
196. Person to talk to online: Jacob
~Your Bedroom/Sleeping Habits~
197. What color are your sheets? peachish
198. What color are your bedroom walls? White with flower things lol
199. Do you have posters on your wall? My doors
200. If so of what? Things. I dono.
201. Do you have a tv in your bedroom? No. my rooms to small lol
202. How many pillows are on your bed? That I use, or ones that are there for decoration?
203. What do you normally sleep in? pajama’s, or the occasional regular clothes cuz I’m too lazy to change
204. Describe your favorite pair of pajamas: my plaid pajama’s and black tank top
205. What size bed do you have? like a small one
206. Do you have a waterbed/bunkbed/daybed? daybed
207. Do you have your own phone line in your bedroom? My own phone. But its disconnected cuz I use the wire for my laptop. When its working
208. Do you listen to music while trying to fall asleep? yes
209. Describe the last nightmare you had: uh…I dono
210. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? nope
211. How many people can comfortably sleep in your bed? two. Yes, two can fit for those of you who think its too small.
212. Do you sleep in any unusual positions? no
213. Do you have to share your bedroom with a sibling? no
214. Do you snore? no
215. How about drool? nope
216. Do you have an alarm clock in your room? I have two lol
217. What color is the carpet in your room? peach
218. What's under your bed? I don’t even know
~This or that~
219. beach/mountains: mountains…or beach..hmm can’t decide
220. Donuts/bagels: bagels
221. Day/night: night
222. Wicked witch of the east/wicked witch of the west? West
223. Heaven/hell: uh…
224. Make love/have sex: make love
225. Coffee/tea: Coffee
228. Britney/Christina: neither
229. Swiss cheese/American cheese: American
230. Real World/Road Rules: neither
231. Backstreet Boys/*Nsync: neither
232. Silver/gold: silver
233. Nike/Adidas: nike
234. McDonalds/Taco Bell: taco bell
235. Sweet/sour: sour
236. Punk/emo: punk
237. Hot/cold: in between
238. Winter/summer: fall
239. Spring/fall: fall
240. Operas/plays: plays, but i like musicals
241. Read/watch tv: uh…dono
242. Cd's/tapes: cds
243. Dvd's/vhs: dvds
244. Old/new: old? New? I dono
245. Shorts/skirts: long skirt
246. Pink/red: red
247. Colored pictures/black and white photos: both
248. Meat/vegetables: both
249. Mexican food/chinese food: I don’t like Chinese that much, or mexian…
250. Commercials/infomercials: neither
251. Scary movies/comedies: scary movies
252. Bikinis/one piece bathing suits: bikinis…with a shirt over the top lol
253. Sandals/tennis shoes: don't care
254. Dogs/cats: dogs
255. Unicorns/fairies: uh…
256. Water/land: well, i live on land, but i love water
257. Sugar/spice: spice
258. Black/white: black or white what?
259. ribbons/bows: ribbons...tied into a bow lol
260. Chicken/beef: chicken
261. Colored christmas lights/regular white christmas lights: white
262. Cars/trucks: cars
263. Austin Powers/James Bond: don’t care
264. Popcorn/pretzels: pretzels
265. Hip/hop: ...hop?
266. Passionate kiss/peck: somewhere in between the two
267. WWE wrestling/real wrestling: neither
268. Back rub/foot massage: back rub
269. Picture frames/photo albums: uh…albums
270. Pens/pencils: for drawing or writing?
~What Is Your Opinion Of The Following~
271. Eminem: ugh…I dono
272. Virgins: good for them. Er..us…lol
273. God: no comment
274. The Osbournes: oh god...they annoy the SHIT Outta me...
275. Reality TV: nothing “reality” about them
276. J.Lo: whatever
277. Religion: a fucking burden and restriction…just having one is narrow minded…none have what I want
278. Emo music: don’t care. depends
279. Valentine's Day: whatever. Nice to spend with a boyfriend. Nice to get a gift from your boyfriend. Stuff like that
280. Christina Aguilera's comeback: comeback? she went away? I really don’t care. I hate her too
281. Homosexuals: well, my school is full of them
282. Abortion: I have no opinion…it all depends on the situation
283. Inter-racial relationships: um, nothing wrong with it
284. Murder: obviously, I don’t approve
285. Death: well, lets go on a bit of a thing here…death is part of life. There is no death without life, so there is no life without death. The only thing we can do is accept it, as much as we don’t want to. There is no turning back time, not getting the person back.
286. Obesity: dumb. You can only blame them
287. Pre-marital sex: against…unless you’ve been with the person for more than a year…
288. Terrorism: I dono
289. Pornography: dumb
290. Fortune tellers: most are totally fake
291. Threesomes: i don't understand why two ppl in a committed relationship would do this...personally I find it disgusting
292. Prostitution: I hate the fact that these women have no respect for their bodies
293. Politics: don’t get involved
294. Country music: *gag* *shudder*
295. George W. Bush: no comment
296. Cloning: disapprove
297. Britney's boobs: don’t care
298. Gas prices in America: well, thank god I don’t have a car, cuz I wouldn’t be able to afford gas..but then again, they can only get higher…so I will probably never be able to afford gas…
~Name Game~
What Do You Think Of When You Hear These Common Names?.
299. Jack: Jack
300. Tiffany: I kept calling gennelle that…I don’t even know why…
301. Ben: affleck
302. Maria: dono
303. Jennifer: Jen
304. Nicole: Nikki
305. Amy: umm I dono
306. Adam: there are like three of then in my school
307. Richard: uncle richie
308. Justin: no one
309. Arnold: no one
310. Tom: no one
311. Melissa: she makes the best empanadas
312. Charlotte: no one
313. Harold: no one
314. John: uh…R.I.P. and Jon…who I miss so much cuz he hasn’t been in school for the past couple of months…
315. Joel: BILLY
316. Vanessa: my couisn
317. Michelle: my..dad’s cousin
318. Kevin: no one
319. Brent:no one
320. Jake: Jacob
321. Billy: no one
322. Sarah: lawerence
323. Natalie: no one
324. Christi: my christi
325. Nick: damn this is boring
326. Linda: no one
327. Taylor: no one
328. Jordan: no one
329. Jamie: oh wow I haven’t talked to her for a while
330. Adrian: brody
~Have You Ever....~
331. Mooned anyone? No
332. Been on a diet? yep
333. Been to a foreign country? Not yet
334. Broken a bone? yep
335. Swallowed a tooth/cap/filling? A tooth
336. Swear at a teacher? yeah
337. Talked to a lj member via e-mails or instant messages? nope
338. Got in a fight? Not exactly
339. Dated a teacher? disgusting
340. Laughed so hard you peed your pants? nope
341. Thought about killing your enemy? …
342. Gone skinny dipping? nope
343. Met another Blurty member in the flesh? ...???????
344. Told a little white lie? yeah
345. Told a secret you swore not to tell? no
346. Stolen anything? yeah
347. Misused a swear word and it sounded absolutely stupid? no
348. Been on TV? yeah
349. Been on the radio? no
350. Been in a mosh pit? no
351. Been to a concert? Do you know my parents? I’m working on it though…
352. Dated one of your best friends? yep
353. Loved someone so much it makes you cry? yes
354. Decieved somebody close to you? no
355. Broken the law? yes
356. Been to a rodeo? no
357. Been on a talk show? no
358. Been on a game show? no
359. Been on an airplane? no
360. Got to ride on a firetruck? yes
361. Came close to dying? kinda
362. Cheated on a bf/gf? no
363. Gave someone a piggy back ride? yes
364. Terrorized a babysitter? no
365. Made a mud pie? .no
366. Had a dream that our falling off a cliff? yes
367. Snuck out of the house at night? yes
368. Been so drunk you don't remember your name? no
369. Had an eating disorder? no
370. Felt like you didn't belong? Yeah, but who cares
371. Felt like the 3rd wheel? yeah
372. Smoked? no
373. Done drugs? no
374. Been arrested? no
375. Had your tonsils removed? no
376. Gone to camp? no
377. Won a bet? yeah
378. Written a love letter? no
379. Gone out of your way to be with the one you love? yeah
380. Written a love poem? nope
381. Kissed in the rain? yeah
382. Slow danced with someone you love? Unofficially lol
383. Participated in cyber sex? no
384. Faked an orgasm? no
385. Stolen a kiss? no
386. Asked a friend for relationship advice? no
387. Had a friend steal your bf/gf? no
388. Watched the sunset/rise with someone you love? no
389. Gotten a speeding ticket? no
390. Done jail time? no
391. Had to wear a uniform to work? no
392. Won a trophy? yeah
393. Thrown up in public? no
394. Bowled a perfect game? no
395. Failed/got held back? no
396. Got perfect attendance in grade school? no
397. Roasted pumpkin seeds? no
398. Taken ballet lessons? no
399. Attempted suicide? Contrary to popular belief, NO
400. Cut yourself? Yes. And, contrary to popular belief, I stopped
~Childhood Stuff~
401. Did you play with Barbies? yeah
402. Did you own Treasure Trolls? yeah
403. Did you watch Beverly Hills 90210? no
404. Did you play Simon? No..?
405. Did you watch Fraggle Rock? no
406. Did you wet the bed? probably
407. Did you believe there were monsters in your closet or under your bed? no cuz I didn’t have a closet when I was younger
408. Did you wear the underwear with the days of the week on them? no
409. Were you shy? nope
410. Were you spoiled? no
411. Were you abused? no
412. Did you go to the circus? no
413. Did you go to the zoo? yes
414. Were you in a car accident? no
415. Did you build snowmen? I dono
416. Did you cry when you scraped your knee? Probably when I was younger
417. Were your older cousins mean to you? no i only have one
418. Did you think slinkies were cool? probably
419. Did you think the Ninja Turtles really lived in the sewer? no
420. Were you afraid of the dark? no
421. Did you have slumber parties? yeah
422. Did you have New Kids On The Block sheets, curtains, sleeping bags, dolls and pajamas? no
423. Did you tease your hair out like Tiffany? No…
424. Did you believe in the Easter Bunny/Santa Claus/ and the Tooth Fairy? I think so
~Randomness~
425. Do you believe in aliens? Not those green things
426. Name three things that are next to your computer: my mints, headphones, and paper with songs written on it
427. Do you have any hidden talents? ...not really
428. Do you wish MTV would play music videos? Not really
429. If you were to star in a movie, what kind of movie would it be? dono
430. What would your movie star name be? my real name
431. Do you play any sports? softball
432. What's the scariest movie you've ever seen? i dono
433. What is the best movie you've seen in the theater or rented recently? Uh..i don’t remember
434. What is the dumbest movie you've ever seen? What’s its called…uh…damn I forget
435. Do you drive? no
436. What is your dream car? I’ll settle for A car
437. Do you think your good looking? Not really
438. Do others think you are good looking? dono
439. Would you ever sky dive? yes
440. Do you believe in Bigfoot? depends
441. How many rooms do you have in your house? Separated by doors, or different uses?
442. Are you afraid of roller coasters? Nope not at all
443. Do you believe in God? Not exactly
444. Do you believe in Satan? no
445. Do you believe there is a heaven? Not exactly
446. Do you believe there is a hell? no
447. Do you own a pooltable? no i wish
448. Do you have a pool? yeah
449. Do you have a dishwasher in your kitchen? yeah
450. Do you like chocolate? yeah
451. Who/what is on your 2004 calendar? Don’t have one
452. How many U.S. states have you been to? Uh…like…10?
453. Ever wished on a shooting star? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a shooting star
454. Best Halloween costume you ever wore? I dono
455. Do you carry any weapons on you? well, in my purse. But I don’t use my purse that much
456. What is your weakness? Bees?
457. Name something you can't get enough of: ….dono
458. Describe yourself in 3 adjectives: short, short, short
459. How many kids do you want to have? two
460. Future daughters names: dono
461. Future sons names: dono
462. What is your ideal way to die? Happily…and not alone
463. How do you release stress? dono
464. Are you a trendy person? not at all
465. Are you an artisitic person? yes
466. Are you a realistic person? i'd like to think so
467. Do you un-tie your shoes every time you take them off? no
468. Are you a strong person? Physically? Emotionally?
469. Are you a strong willed person? yes
470. Who is the last person to e-mail you? me
471. Who is the last person to IM you? Jacob
472. Do you hate chain e-mails? Hate tem
473. Are you a deep sleeper? sorta...sometimes depends how tired i am…and how comfortable
474. Are you a good story teller? Not exactly
475. What do you believe is your best quality? i don't know
476. What is your greatest accomplishment? i dono
477. Do you like to burn candles or incense? candles
478. Do you do yoga? no
479. Do you have your own credit card? no
480. Let's say you win the lotto. ....….ok…….
481. Do you have a check book? no
482. Do you like your driver? My driver? My parents? Or Trevor? Driver…I dono…whoever drives me is fine...i guess...
483. Do you tan easily? no...i usually am tan anyway
484. What color is your hair naturally? Dark brown
485. How many fillings do you have? I dono
486. How many cavities did you have at your last dentist visit? none
487. Worst feeling in the world? Overwhelmed…alone….like you want to cry but you can’t…
488. Best feeling in the world? happiness...not caring what other people say or think about you
489. Is the glass half empty or half full? Neither, the glass is twice as big as it has to be
490. Last thing you downloaded? A song
491. Do you catch yourself using online terms in your real life? No..
492. What do you think people think of you? I don’t give a shit
493. Are you a likeable person? i try to be
494. Do you need therapy? Probably but who cares
495. Do you take medication for a chemical imbalance? nope
496. What the best way to be proposed to? oh god…I dono
497. What kind of movie would you star in? dono
498. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? Probably not… and who cares
499. When are you moving? dono
500. What's your favorite phrase? dono
Posted at 09:47 pm by foreverfalling
May 11, 2004
yeah, this is what i do during school. when i'm not sleeping.
Your arms encircle me
My body relaxes
My stress disappears
Yours are the arms of an angel
when you hold me, all that matters
is that you never let me go
don't make me face this world along
together we can succeed,
remain above them
Alone i will fail
Along I am fallen.
Your love holds me up
Without you, my world crumbles.
Without me, your world is unchanged.
one more person left alone.
without you i am lost.
can't find my way through life.
i would rather die than live without you. I
heave no meaning, no purpose,
without your love.
Scars, scars on my wrists.
Scars on my soul
Reminders of my mistakes and regrets
The physical scars will fade
the only way the scars on my soul
will fade is by your love
but your love may scar my heart
Break my heart, beyond repair
But the loss of your love
will scar my wrists, my soul, and my heart
Chained...Chained by my love for you.
no escape, there is nothing i can do
I can't stop loving you
I can't escape from my own heart
It holds me to you
it does me no good to resist
Do I want to?
No, no i don't.
I want to be free of my chains,
but not of love.
Is love destined to control me?
Posted at 09:09 pm by foreverfalling
May 10, 2004
I once dreamt of finding an angel.
an angel to hold me, to save me from this life.
an angel to love me, to carry me away with him.
then you came, and although you are no angel,
you hold me, you save me from my life
you love me, you carry me away in your embrace
each time i lay in your arms, i feel like i'm in heaven
you're the one thing i've dreamt of.
you've carried me up, we are above them all.
they mean nothing to us. they can insult us and jeer,
but we are above them. we have our own heaven.
don't leave me, don't let me fall from the sky.
the last thing i need is to be a fallen angel, with an angel
that i will always love...no matter what. Posted at 09:07 pm by foreverfalling
May 9, 2004
How Long Have You Gone
Without Showering? 3 days
Without Shaving? a month
Without brushing your teeth? a day
Without brushing your hair? ...a month. i had it in box braids
Without cutting your nails? i don't cut my nails. i fucking bite them.
Without cutting your hair? a year
Without crying? two weeks
Have You...
Done something you terribly regret? yes
Walked out on the street without underwear? no
Eaten something that has been expired? o god the other day i ate ranch dressing that was like...a y ear expired. it was disgusting.
Used somebody to get back at someone? no
Backstabbed a friend because they hurt you? ....yes?
Tried to act happy even though you were broken inside? yes
Told a lie that made someone happy? yes
Told the truth that made someone hurt? yes
Friends
Who is your best friend(s): Christi, Lauren, Jeff, Jacob....
Who do you depend on?: for what? i depend on myself most of the time...
Who can or do you trust? : Christi, Jacob, Jeff
Who do you best relate to?: i dono
Who do you most talk on the phone with?: no one. well, christi does call me, but we never manage to have a really long conversation
Who do you care for the most? : Jacob
Who do you love the most?: Jacob
Who makes and brightens your day? : Jacob
Who Are You, Really?
What intimidates you? ....
Do you fight back to defend yourself? yes
Would you start a fight or be the quiet one? start the fight. unless its one that i dont want to start
What makes you happy? Jacob
Do you believe in best friends? no, not one best friend. a couple
Do you prefer honesty or happiness? i wish i had both
What three words describe you? short...short....short...
How Much of A Techie Are You?
What is the last thing you turn off before bed? my light
What do you have on all day? computer
Do you ever fix your broken computer? yes, as a matter of fact, my laptop is apart downstairs. remind me to finisht that
Can you live without your tv? yes
How about your computer? ... probably not
How about your stereo? NO. i need music.
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Current...
· Mood: wide awake. cuz for the first time ever, me and christi actually slept
· Music: none
· Thoughts: wondering how my hair looks and whether i'm going to see Jacob today or not
· Smell: Jacob's sweatshirt thingy. it smells good. i'm wearing it. cuz it smells good.
- Annoyance: nothing
· Worry: none really
· Amusement: this survey
· Hope: that i'm going to see Jacob today
· Conversations: i'm not talking to anyone
· Longing: the food that i forgot to eat last night. i haven't eaten for...15 hours. *stomach growls*
· What should you be doing now, but your not? probably getting dressed and calling my mom to let her know that i'm still alive
· How was your day? hasn't even started yet...
· What's next to you? things
You...
· What do you look like? myself
· How long is your hair? too long...as soon as the hair wrap falls out i'm cutting it
· Do you like the way you look? ugh, whatever i don't care. i can't change it anyway
· How do you act? like myself
· What lyrics or quote best describes you? uh. "my lips are screaming pretty nothings" shit, i forget which song that is from.
· Do you like who you are? sometimes
· Do your friends like who you are? well, i guess they do or they wouldn't be my friends
· Does your family like who you are? sometimes, yes, sometimes, no
· If you had a chance to be someone else, who would you be? no one. i'm used to my life.
· Are you happy? right now? yes.
· Do you keep your own secrets? definitely
· Do you keep other's secrets? yes. if they make me swear not to tell anyone, i won't. unless its a matter of "life and death"
· Do you have a best friend? a bunch
· What clique do you belong in? none. thank god.
What clique do you want to belong in? none
· Name one person who has changed your life for the better: Jacob?
· Do you have an accent? according to you "pennsylvanians" yes, i do. according to you "new yorkers" no.
· Do you have any speech problems? np
· Do you have any phobias? well, i strongly dislike bees·
Would you say you were smarter than most people you know? no
· How about prettier? no
· What is your most major accomplishment? not getting kicked out or failed out of my school.
· What is your biggest regret? you know what? i try not to think about them. because there's nothing i can do to change them.
School...
· What school do you go to? Lehigh Valley Charter High School for the Performing Arts. (LVPA)
· Are you popular? i dono. our school is so small, that everyone knows everyone
· Who is/was your favorite teacher? Senora Howard
Who is/was your least favorite teacher? Mr. Salevsky, Ms. Kurcz....basically the rest of my teachers
· What is your favorite subject? spanish.
· What is your least favorite subject? math, science, and english
· What is you GPA? dono
· Do you have school spirit? not really, no
· Do you play any school sports? no, cuz its a performing arts school
· Have you gone to homecoming? nope
· Have you gone to prom? nope
· Have you gotten into a fight? yeah
· Have you ever gotten suspended? nope
· Have you ever gotten a detention? obviously
· Have you ever ditched? yeah, who hasn't.
· Do you even care? no. but my parents do. unfortunately
Who...
· Do you rely on the most? myself
· Do you trust the most? Jacob and Christi
· Do you tell everything to? no one
· Do you love? Jacob
· Do you like? people
· Do you hate? i try not to hate anybody...but its hard not to
· Do you just want to smack for being so stupid? people. wont mention their names. well, they won't find it anyway. Lauren Kyle...
· Do you want to smack for being so annoying? people
· Would you kill if you got the chance? hmm...no one at the moment
· Would you take a bullet for? some members of my family, christi, Jacob
· Makes you want to kill yourself? no one
· Makes you laugh the most? everyone
· Makes you cry the most?....no comment. no one actually
· Makes you happy no matter what? Jacob
Can you...
· Juggle? lol no
· Speak your mind? yeah, definitely
· Cry in front of people? no. i hate showing my emotions. i'm pathetic like that. if i cry in front of you, it means that i trust you more than anyone and that i love you. i haven't cried in front of anyone though.
· Sing high? how high?
· Sing low? yeah
· Sing at all? yeah i'm stuck in choir
· Snowboard? yep
· Waterski? never tried
· Lie and get away with it? yes
Ending...
· Who sent you this survey? i took it from someones xanga site...
· State your opinion about them or something you want to say: ...hi i don't know you! but ur best friend is cat, ur ex's name is david, and u love selena! ahhahhaha...
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Posted at 10:05 am by foreverfalling
Apr 23, 2004
As I Lay Dying -Torn Within
Through this pain I refine
Tearing me from within
Screaming to be released but held fast by Your love
Hold me here
Break me until my face breathes upon this ground
Outstretched with my head to the floor
Spent of all my strength
Relying on Yours
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As I Lay Dying--
The Pain Of Separation
How can I bear this any longer?
Arms stretched out only to hold separation
Take me away
I'm dying inside
Emptied before you
I will fight until the day
When I will see
Sight given to these blind eyes
When will I be taken from this life?
Take what is your
You deserve more than my life
Posted at 02:33 pm by foreverfalling
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